


A Letter Unwritten

by heavnofhell



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 15:31:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15270576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavnofhell/pseuds/heavnofhell
Summary: Regret cannot discourage Fate.{I figured I could post this here today as a memorial to our Dear Little Lion}





	A Letter Unwritten

 

 

You claim it to be cold, and in doing so, inflict upon this smoldering heart a grave injustice. Cold is born of indifference, but my heart has burned for you with such fearsome love and admiration that something so kind as a chilling frost is naught more than a distant dream. It raged for you - flames so hot they would shadow even the glory of the Sun. 

Perhaps that is why you were so blind. 

My heart, dear fated villain, cannot but hold near the memory of that fire. My heart glows with the soft embers of hatred, it is true, for I am impassioned in every way by the mere thought of you. You - my challenge, my aspirational and distant idol, and, once found, my friend - once known, my irresistible enigma - once lost to me, the mistake my pride could never bear the blame for. 

Hatred was easier, and an enemy, better company. So I made of you, through my own depravity, someone I hoped I could not dare to love. I crafted, with the same tongue I would once use to persuade you (and, oh God, if only I had been able to persuade you), the words to poison thoroughly that steadfast amicability you bore upon your chest so dutifully. I dug at your foundation and I watched as you crumbled, and I did it all only for the bittersweet satisfaction of meeting you, once more, in the eyes. 

Did I, through my relentless race ‘gainst the hourglass, held firm by the heavy hand of that insuperable Father of Time, cheat myself of the moments that may have saved us both from these crushing pains of fortune turned sour? If so, pity though it be, I can no more change what I have done than can I change the blood in my veins, nor the battles won at a price no less than the chastity of my own soul. Perhaps, my sweet friend, this ill-censored tongue was never meant to drink the war that flowed in such rich rivulets from your tender lips, but drink I did, with greed and desperation, and still, I was left wanting.

We loved fiercely, my brave soldier, and how dreadfully we lost those whom we loved, yet we chanced to love again, our youthful optimism met once more by the crushing blows of those heavy chains of mortality. You and I, my dearest Abby, have burdened like lots in this unforgiving life, and I dare say now, as oft I’ve considered in the past, had we the good sense to share those agonies that plagued us, we may have stood taller, with higher hopes and stronger hearts.

Ah, but that which leaves us perplexed by daylight is always simpler when set aglow beneath the midnight oil, and I, in this eleventh hour, can hardly hope to mend all that has been undone by my indefatigable and oft detrimental desire to be heard. I cannot, my good man, reason fairly with you now when I have for so long been unreasonable. 

Your eye is keen enough, I would chance to say, to note the irregularity of my pen, and your mind sharp enough to draw the proper conclusion, consequently rendering fruitless my hopes of offering you the exoneration you so direly deserve. Beneath my breast yet lies that breath I spare for you and you alone - yours, as ever I am. And when, my beloved Abby, it slips beyond these cursed lips and carries to Damnation my forsaken spirit, it will be you upon whom my fading mind lingers. You, and those blessed, distant moments when you, too, were mine.

I wish you prosperity with all my heart. You have survived me, and that, dear sir, is a feat to be celebrated. Until we meet again, across the shore I shall await your arrival; obediently, dutifully, faithfully. 

My heart to you -  
Your most devoted servant,

A. Ham


End file.
